There was a moment today between before and after. A moment when my world paused, and everything changed.
The Professor called me today (around 11:30?) to tell me that everything went fine in court, and it was done. A second. I said okay. Another second. Thanks for letting me know. Goodbye.
The expression, 'my ears swam'. It means something to me now. I heard the rush of the ocean, of wind, and nothing else.
Work was crazy today. I couldn't think straight. I was in meetings all afternoon. Ten minutes after the call, I went to a meeting, pissed a off partner by saying the wrong thing to the client. He was legitimately upset. What's the status of that issue? What? Issue? What? I have no idea what you're talking about. No idea what you even just said. Did you say something? Do I work here?
For three hours, I didn't have a single logical thought. Just emotion, just mental chaos. Just the ocean roaring through my brain.
I should have stayed home today. Instead, I billed twelve hours. For thirty seconds, I sat on my office floor and cried. Sobbed. If you can sob in thirty seconds. Then I went to another meeting.
I have more to say. But I just can't say it tonight. I want to say it thoughtfully, with perspective and peace, and I don't have any of that at the moment.
But I will. I know I will. Just give me tonight to cry.
2 comments:
Tomorrow is a new day, and you will grow just like you have every other day before this! Remember the old saying "This too shall pass...."
This is such a tough time for you!! I thought about you all day and was actually thinking that you should have taken the day off. But then, I always see work as a balm (unpleasant sometimes) and maybe not being alone at home by yourself would not have been the perfect solution. I am so sorry. Hang in there.
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